A Dry Cough And Flash Gordon

Today I entered the third week of the curse I have named "A Virus Named Fred." I haven't named my affliction because of friendliness or familiarity. I have named it Fred because Fred is a prick, and the name fits, in honor of all of the pricks named Fred in my past and present life.

The virus is a shape shifter. It is like your alcoholic brother in law, who stays with you until the booze runs out, makes a blessed intention to leave, and then decides to come back and finish off the Lysol. Just when you think he's gone, Fred is horking up on the area rug.

Fred needs to leave. My patience is thinner than the hair on my head!

I have passed my sick time streaming serials from the 30s and 40s. Cheesy black and white crime and science fiction flicks, twelve or thirteen parts to each, made back in the day when a night out at the movies was a cartoon, a serial chapter, and the feature, instead of advertisements and CG kabooms.

My current serial is Flash Gordon. Not to be confused with Flesh Gordon, an even cheesier soft core sex romp from the 70s, although I believe the dialog and plot for the latter was robbed from the former.

Weird monsters. Laughable special effects. Buster Crabbe. Rocket ships that buzz like a lawn mower. The 1930s version is a hoot.

Honestly...

This isn't the fever talking.

Comments

DRIVING SASKATCHEWANDERERER STYLE (Episode 2)

Continued from Dec 1, 2023 And it begins at number... 7 - Your wife's new car talks. The two of them are not ganging up on you. It only seems that way. 8 - Check the oil once in a while. If you can't see any on the dipstick you should add more than one liter. If your dipstick is a dark colour, and you can feel oil on it but you can't see any, you should seriously consider an oil change. 9 - Burnouts are for dummies. What do you think that black tire smoke is doing to your lungs. Besides, have you seen the price of tires lately? If not you are probably due. Due for a shock. 10 - AMC Ramblers were a paradox. A car absolutely designed for hot, fumbling, teenage sex, that probably remained a virgin for as long as the owner did. (Through college.) 11 - Remember. I am the slowest thing on the highway, driving 10 km over the posted speed limit. I will always encourage you to pass, and even help by slowing down to let you pass quicker. There is a simple reason...

SUNDAY MORNING DEEP FREEZE CONTINUES

Coffee warms the soul and kick-starts the heart. The Yorkie, arrogant little turd that she is, never asks to come up on the couch. She will always invite herself, and then give me the look like I am the intruder. This morning she asked, coming to a perfect sit in front of me. Piercing my heart with those eyes that turn me into a puddle of gooey emotions. "Come up", I tapped the seat beside me. She has been cuddled up, covered by the blanket that is kept for such occasions. We sat together, the light from the kitchen drifting lazily into the living room. The salt lamp surrounds us in a candle-like glow. No phone. No TV. No screens. Just half an hour of man and dog fighting the cold, enjoying the mutual company and warmth. "The furnace is working hard this morning, Bud." I believe I heard a snore in reply. It's another sub-zero day in Redneck Flats Saskatchewan. I hope you are able to stay warm and safe, no matter where you may be.

THE KIDNEY STONE STORY (A Sermon From The Deck Special Edition)

It was a dark and stormy night.... It was of course dark, as night seems to be around these parts. It wasn't stormy, but being January in Saskatchewan it was bloody cold. I remember going to the bathroom before bed, and noticing that my urine was darker than normal. "I need to drink more water." At three AM I was awoken by the worst pain in my life, combined with an urge to pee. I stumbled to the bathroom, but no pee was forthcoming, as the waves of pain washed over my body. I remember grabbing on to the sink, fighting the urge to black out from the pain, telling myself, over and over, "if you black out you will die. If you black out you will die.." And then common sense. "Honey, I may be dying. I need some help." She got me back to bed, assured me I was still among the living, and phoned the hospital. The nurse on duty knew what it was, prescribed Advil and said come in at 6AM. ("Take two Asprin and call me in the morning.") Let me explain...

The Church Of A Swift Kick To The Knackers

Search This Blog