The Church Of A Swift Kick To The Knackers

  It was a dark and stormy night.... It was of course dark, as night seems to be around these parts. It wasn't stormy, but being January in Saskatchewan it was bloody cold. I remember going to the bathroom before bed, and noticing that my urine was darker than normal. "I need to drink more water." At three AM I was awoken by the worst pain in my life, combined with an urge to pee. I stumbled to the bathroom, but no pee was forthcoming, as the waves of pain washed over my body. I remember grabbing on to the sink, fighting the urge to black out from the pain, telling myself, over and over, "if you black out you will die. If you black out you will die.." And then common sense. "Honey, I may be dying. I need some help." She got me back to bed, assured me I was still among the living, and phoned the hospital. The nurse on duty knew what it was, prescribed Advil and said come in at 6AM. ("Take two Asprin and call me in the morning.") Let me explain...

  Continued from Dec 1, 2023 And it begins at number...   7 - Your wife's new car talks. The two of them are not ganging up on you. It only seems that way.    8 - Check the oil once in a while. If you can't see any on the dipstick you should add more than one liter.   If your dipstick is a dark colour, and you can feel oil on it but you can't see any, you should seriously consider an oil change. 9 - Burnouts are for dummies. What do you think that black tire smoke is doing to your lungs. Besides, have you seen the price of tires lately? If not you are probably due. Due for a shock. 10 - AMC Ramblers were a paradox. A car absolutely designed for hot, fumbling, teenage sex, that probably remained a virgin for as long as the owner did. (Through college.) 11 - Remember. I am the slowest thing on the highway, driving 10 km over the posted speed limit. I will always encourage you to pass, and even help by slowing down to let you pass quicker. There is a simple reason...