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MODERN TECHNOLOGY AND FOURTY BELOW

 The remote car starter is not modern technology anymore.

It was twelve years ago, when my wife had one in a Hyundai Santa Fe.

One day, while she was at work, a gentleman came into the store that she managed, and exclaimed,

"who owns the blue Santa Fe? It keeps starting over and over!"

I lost all faith in 'modern' tech that day. 

My wife's next auto was another Santa Fe, without the tech. In fact her remote starter was a certain man who would brave minus 40, risk piles from hell by sitting on a frozen, rock hard, seat, and crank and curse, breath the raw gas fumes, cross his fingers at the misfires, until that piece of crap started.

That "certain" man was me. The human remote starter. The greatest technology of all.


My wife now owns a Nissan with the push a button technical marvel. She loves it. I am not so sure.


I have not lost my job as remote starter, though these days most of my chore is done from the warm side of the window.

"Beep. Honk. Click. Zoom!"

This morning I was questioned by the boss, after I dressed for the weather and went outside to start an SUV that had sat in sub-zero temperatures for four days.

"You can use the remote!"

I ignored her. Sometimes being hard of hearing is your friend.


I am old school. I like to hear the starter work and the engine fire. I need to know if I can expect pieces of piston rings showing up in the oil pan because the start was too cold and dry for even today's modern technology. I want to know that the vehicle is going to find a comfortable idle in the cold, and not stall when my back is turned. 

Yes. Old school. And no regrets for my lack of modern technical understanding.


It's supposed to warm up this afternoon.

Minus 22 is going to feel like living in the banana belt.

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